Contentment in Retirement

CONTENTMENT
By Rev. Donn D. Moomaw D.D.

One would think that on old man who has put in 60 very rewarding years of service as an evangelist, parish pastor, Bible teacher, public speaker, etc, could finally, one day, hang up his sermon notes and a beat up King James Bible and sit back, relax and take it easy. The question I ask myself is: “Haven’t I earned the right to take time to listen to the wild animals scurrying around in the field behind our home in Bel Air, or watch the wind blow through the trees, play with my grandchildren, pause to talk to a neighbor, take lazy trips in the RV and swing a rusty golf club and not feel useless, worthless or just plain guilty.”

All those years I preached and tried to embrace a hard hitting gospel by stressing concepts like, “Don’t waste, squander or fritter away time; make your life count; you are saved to serve, burn out don’t rust out, etc.” Discipline, duty and determination are characteristics of an expendable servant of Christ (and incidentally a winner). I still hold to these and other calls to New Testament discipleship. And I believe one can be at peace and serenely happy while fully exercising their gifts and honoring their vocation. But, I am now in retirement and for the last few years rather than enjoying the freedom of non-responsibility or beating myself up with the shoulds, musts, and oughts, of my profession, I have found myself with less inner peace, serenity and contentment then when I was going full out in my pastoral ministry. Playing golf only exacerbates my feelings of uselessness. Friends I once called for lunch have a new head of staff and rightly relate to him as their teacher, friend and social contact. Feelings of being needed, of accomplishment, of achievement and fulfillment, which used to define who I was, are far less apparent then they used to be and much less relied upon. At the beginning of each week I subtly realize there will be no classes to attend, no football games to be played, no crowds chanting my name (at college football games… the elders wouldn‘t permit it on Sunday mornings), no sermons to prepare and preach, no staff to work with, no tasks to accomplish and little stroking of the ego.

What is causing this lack of contentment? Am I simply reacting to the medication I am taking for my diabetes? Maybe I was not ready for all five children moving out? Could it be that I was just not prepared for the days beyond my primary vocation, as Dr. Paul Tournier, the Swiss Psychiatrist, suggests in his very helpful book “Learning to Grow Old.” I believe it is true that I have, unconsciously spent most of my energies over the years “doing” rather than “being.” When people today ask me what I am doing these days, rather than saying “O, not much,” which would be the truth, I feel I have to be more grandiose, and say something like, “I am teaching, preaching, writing, etc. etc.” Saying, “not much” seems so anemic, so wishy-washy, so unimportant. So many of us have looked forward to retirement. It meant to us leisure, travel, more time with our children, and grandchildren, etc. But, I was not ready for it. Realizing I was creeping up on old age and joining the senior citizen crowd was an unprepared-for-shock.. Tournier asks, “Has not the expression ‘third age’ only recently been invented so that old age can be delicately referred to without the term (old age) actually being employed?”

Many believe we should be able to say, without apology, “I am called of God to retirement, just as authentically as I was called to anything else.“ They raise the question, why do we always have to look back at times past and positions held and success achieved to validate our being: as though God was in our past but only vaguely in our present. As I enter old age I am aware that I am not using my imagination, not enjoying my sense of humor, not lighting up with spontaneity, nor fully actuating my creativity, as I once did.

How can I more fully grasp and appropriate God’s perfect peace and contentment in this “third age” of my life? The Psalmist said, “This is the day the lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” This is now, that was then and “never the two shall meet.” Philip Simmons reminds us in his book “Learning to Fall, the Blessing of an Imperfect Life,” “When our memories of past hurts bind us and fears of pending calamity drive us, we are robbed of the only gift, the-greatest-gift we can be sure of possessing: the present moment. We can not summon the future, we can not remake the past. The present moment is the unfinished house in which we dwell.” How to be content in this present moment, is my challenge. I no longer want to fill my discontent with activities, church meetings, or public busyness. I want to happily live with what God gives me and not be defensive about “wasting” a little time or taking life a little easier.

The Bible doesn’t say much, directly, about retirement. (After all, most people in Biblical times died before they were 45 years old and most often with a pitchfork or a fishing pole in their gnarly hands.) But the Bible does say a great deal about inner peace, serenity and contentment.
Hear Paul again on these matters. Permit me to freely translate the apostles letter to the Philippians 4:11-13. “I have learned the secret of being happy. I have learned to be content--whether having my plate full or scratching for every bite--whether working hard or having time on my hand. I am happy with many friends or a few friends, preaching to big crowds or being behind bars, being affirmed or being persecuted. I am content with all things; ups and downs, acceptance or rejection, usefulness or retirement.” Paul finishes this passage by giving us a clue to his success. “I am ready for anything through the One who lives within me.” Through Christ, yes, that’s it. Paul, and all of us disciples of Christ, can rest at peace, in full contentment because we know we have been forgiven, and thus we need not carry the burden of unconfessed or unforgiven sin. With God’s power living within him, Paul had a completely new set of priorities, “Now I want to know Christ personally, experience His resurrection power, be a partner in His suffering, and go all the way with Him to death itself.” (Phil.3:10)

So here are some final suggestions I am considering as I plow ahead toward experiencing the full council of God. “May the God of peace, serenity and comfort, supply all your needs in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

---Love others and let others love you. (“Be cheerful. Keep things in good repair. Keep your spirits up. Think in harmony. Be agreeable. Do all that, and the God of love and peace will be with you for sure.” II Cor. 13:11.)

---Accept your present identity, independent of your vocation, public recognition or verifiable
success. (Dietrich Bonhoeffer once wrote from prison,
“Am I really that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I know of myself?
Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am thine!”
Paul wrote, “I have learned in whatever state I am, therewith to be content.” Some skeptic said, “Yeah, I bet he was never in Delaware.”)

---Laughing is healthy, but don’t denigrate tears. (“There is a time to weep and a time to laugh: a time to mourn, and a time to dance.” Ecc. 3:4.)

---Continue to nurture your intellectual curiosity. (My wife, Carol, and I yearn “to know.” We are fascinated by each others new insights, reflections on current events and stretching to see what is around the next corner.)

---Work to correct issues contributing to discontent, and commit to God in believing prayer all things beyond your control. (I once heard a professor of Psychiatry at Harvard University say, “a major characteristic of a whole person is to be able to live in a world of ambiguity with peace.”)

---Take care of responsibilities when they come to mind. (To procrastinate is a set-up for worry and fear.)

---Discipline the thought life. (Again the Apostle Paul nails it, “I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, lovely and honorable…..and the God of peace will stand guard over your hearts and minds as they rest in Christ Jesus.” Phil.4:8,9.)

---Bring all worries, cares, problems, emptiness, fears, etc. to God. (Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I assume the responsibility to give you rest.” Matt. 11:28.)

---To cultivate a happy, clear conscience with well-defined moral precepts. (Dr. Eric Berne, psychiatrist and author, says that his criterion for emotional and mental health is an individual’s ability to say, “Yes,” “No,” and “Whoopee!” The emotionally ill say, “Yes, but”….”No, but”…. and they are unable to say, Whoopee!”)

Well, there you have my first pass at “CONTENTMENT.” There is much more to be said but for now, “WHOOPEE.”